Every Day I Gotta Fight To Prove My Love

I have been working on a journal publication with my black female student colleague, a white male professor who teaches in our department and a black male colleague of his that teaches at another institution. We each had our respective sections of the paper to work on which were completed with no issues. The closer we got to finishing the paper, we (myself and the black female student) were asked to work together on minor corrections such as editing, formatting, etc. We would meet and she would submit our work. The professor in our department called me to inform me that I need to be more vocal about my contributions when collaborating on papers; he claims that the black professor posed the question to him because the female submitted the emails. He said that I need to do a better job of letting everyone else know that I did my part; at the same time, he was not questioning if I had actually done the work, he just thought that this was a great opportunity for a "teachable moment." Really? I was personally and professionally offended. I informed him that I did not give up my past life to cheat my way to a Ph.d. I also told him that if he was sure that I had done the work, we would not be having this conversation. It appeared to be useless to send an additional email to say "I just wanted you to know that I did my part." My colleague just happened to be at the computer while we worked on the paper together. I immediately informed him that he was bringing negative energy to me and I wanted no part of it. I asked to be removed from the publication, in which he pleaded with me not to because it would appear that he failed as a "mentor." I felt that he questioned my ethics and gave the impression that I wanted a handout. He did not want me to see right thru his B.S. He did not expect for me to recognize that he in fact was questioning my contribution. It seems as though "Everyday I Gotta Fight To Prove My Love."

Man Cannot Serve Two Masters

As I have shared before, I attend a white institution. Last week I gave a lecture at a HBCU and it invigorated me. The opportunity to feel the energy of a black college environment was refreshing, necessary, purposeful and overwhelming. The response I received from students and faculty were self absorbed yet at the same time I knew that I had an impact on them. I entered the room very confident about me, my purpose and excited about what the future holds for me in the academy. I left the HBCU confused about all three aspects. Where is my purpose best served? Am I to teach at a white establishment (like the one I attend) and only touch the lives of a small number of black students or am I to teach at an HBCU where there are more people that look like me, more people that I relate to, more people that may have faced some of the "speed bumps" that I have endured on the quest of dream chasing? Am I to breath hope in those that I only come in contact with or am I to do it on another level? Understanding that there are a small number of black male criminologists in the academy, understanding that white institutions have more access to resources that will give me the opportunity to affect policy, effectively impact the mental paradigm shift on how whites view blacks, effectively show the white and black students that black men are not identified by what the media, society or a majority of the criminal justice literature says about us being in jail or dead, this is a struggle.

Where should blacks serve their purposes best, white institutions or HBCUs?

A man cannot serve two masters.

You Cannot Make an "A" Being Afraid to Make an "F"

What do I look like on paper? It has come to my attention that the criteria for admissions to graduate school has intimidated blacks to the point that they do not even apply. Let me share for a second. On paper, based on the admissions criteria I have no business being a third year Ph.D candidate in Criminology. I did not score well on the GRE, my undergraduate G.P.A. was below the required amount and I know that my writing skills were in need of serious attention. What I did know and have is AMBITION. I requested and made a (which I paid for ) visit to my school of choice and met with 15 of the faculty members. I expressed the need for a man like me to be a part of their program and how I would use their degree to affectionately make a difference. I had something that they would benefit from if they would take the chance of accepting me in lieu of the "paper trail" being the only measure they had to of me. I believe that we must have confidence, ambition and an attitude that is willing to step out on faith. We must be told no,we cannot assume and own failure without trying. There must always and will be a rule breaker or a first for everything. Who says that it cannot be you? Who says that you are defined by numbers such as standardized tests or grades. We have so much more to share with the world that it may take a little more, such as a face to face interview in order for us to get that opportunity to chase that dream. I say all this to say that the time has come for us to not be defined by admissions criteria alone, believe in yourself and do what it takes to get in the program. We cannot be afraid to be rejected without even applying. You cannot make an "A" being afraid to make and "F".

Proud of You

Why do we consistently fight amongst ourselves? I understand that graduate school is a competitive environment but we must not fall into the trap of competing against ourselves to the point of black sabotage. This will continue to separate us. Black graduate students must embrace the accomplishments of their colleagues and encourage them to continue chasing their dreams. We have to stop looking for whats wrong and acknowledge whats right. When a young brother or sister gets a little recognition we tend to question "why that person and not me?" Have you ever thought that it was your selfish attributes that may prevent others from recognizing you as a quality asset? Check yourself!! This is real folks, we have come from a long life of fighting and struggling to prove our worthiness but yet still have to hide our rewards from our own for feel that they may try and steal the joy. Do not let this happen!!

For those of you that are fortunate enough to receive recognition for your hard work I say Congratulations and I am proud of you!!

Who Do You Play For?

What is the issue with black students not acknowledging each other on a predominantly white campus? It has come to my attention that black students are comfortable with walking pass each other as if the other black student does not exist. This is problematic for me.

It is important to recognize each other and appreciate the presence of another brother or sister. We should not underestimate what saying "hello" to another black student could do for them or you for that matter. Being low in numbers at white institutions brings about a number of social and cultural challenges in itself. Not speaking to each other appears to be the beginning of losing your black identity and a sense of separation from blacks. This is what could lead to the feelings of alienation for blacks at white institutions. Why else would we not be proud to acknowledge each other?

We all complain about blacks only making up a small percentage of the campus, yet we don't appreciate the number of black folks we do have.

We all have on the same color jersey, now let's play for the same team.

Closed Mouths Don't Get Fed

One of my biggest concerns deals with black graduate students not wanting to share their thoughts or opinions while in class,meetings and or conferences. One of the responsibilities as a black scholar is to educate others about who we are, what we stand for and challenge them to respect our culture. As a criminology major I am very concerned about the literature, theories and empirical tests that have been used to define our black youth of today, past and present. Our communities are constantly being labeled as "marginalized" or "high risk." We must be conscious of the impact that it has on students lives, black and white. We are the fortunate ones to be in school, we owe those in less fortunate situations to highlight the assets of our communities.

To not give a voice or be a voice for those unrepresented, allows others to think their positions, assumptions and even research is valid. It has been my experience that those that stand up and be heard are the ones that are respected. I understand that the backlash can be detrimental to careers but what is a career not built upon the right foundation. I feel that the "fear of a backlash" is what keeps us from sharing. The best opportunity is one that is created out of respect not fear. Open your mouth and be fed and witness the real opportunities come your way.

Black Graduate Students and the Issues We Face

While pursing a Ph.D as a black graduate student I have come to understand that we encounter a number of issues. One of those is an outlet of communication to discuss some of these issues that I have entitled "Speed Bumps." I am inviting all those in need of an outlet to join me in professional discussions to talk about these issues and share your experiences, so that these "speed bumps" do not impede our progress as we aspire to attain our goals.